


Arrow

by awfuldaycupcake



Series: Of Arrows and Aces [1]
Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Breakup, M/M, angsty, happy ending!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-10 21:36:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13510242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awfuldaycupcake/pseuds/awfuldaycupcake
Summary: Logan's been lying. Logan's been lying for so long. Every time Patton says he loves him, saying the words back feels like styrofoam on his tongue. Every kiss makes his lips feel like gravel. But at this point?At this point, there's no turning back. No matter what Virgil says.





	Arrow

**Author's Note:**

> Filling a request from Milo (milomeepit.tumblr.com) and it spiraled into 4K! Trigger warnings here:  
> https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gULUwyv2-qbrQmG8VIIOaz-6fwA71XfiTAwhXOVAWhE/edit?usp=sharing
> 
> Thank you, and I hope you enjoy it!! Follow me on tumblr: pattson.tumblr.com

The air was thick. The yellowing of Patton’s room was nauseating. Logan’s neck was tense, his stomach was churning, and he could feel himself sweating.

“Logan, you aren’t  _listening!_ ” Patton’s face was a deep red. His eyes were narrowed. His face was hot.

“I always listen, Patton. Have you ever considered how  _exhausting_  that might be? Listening to you, all day, constantly? I can barely breathe without you telling me you love me!” Logan said. His coffee had long grown cold, and the blue and black mug was shaking in his hand. Patton was leaning towards him, his chest forward, fists clenched at his side.

“You think the problem is _love?_  No, Logan, it’s that you don’t help! You never help with the dishes, I’ve never seen you cook even once. You leave my room a mess and scream at me for dropping so much as a crumb in yours. You always get food for yourself and you never help the other sides. When it comes down to it, the real problem is that you only put yourself first!”

“Myself?  _Me?_  Patton, if you had any idea how much I’ve had to sacrifice for this to work--”

“Oh, don’t talk to me about sacrifice,” Patton said. He rubbed a hand over his forehead, his bangs falling into his face. “All the things I do for you, all the things I do for everyone. I try so  _hard!_  And do I let it show? No! Because I’m  _Patton_ , aren’t I? Just your happy, pappy Patton. Who needs worry? Not Patton! Who needs sadness? Not Patton!” His eyes were growing wide, his teeth were clenched. To an outsider, he’d look absolutely insane. Honestly, Patton was beginning to think he  _was._

“Patton, you’re being illogical. If you would allow yourself to _think,_  for one moment in your life, you’d know that--”

“I  _do_  think, Logan!”

“Falsehood! You don’t think outside of your tiny, infinitesimal realm of fairy tales and make-believe. If you understood what I’m going through, if you felt even a slice of the turmoil--”

“What makes you think I’m not struggling, huh? What makes you think I’m not hurting?”

_“I’VE NEVER LOVED YOU!”_

Logan’s scream echoed through the room. A loud shattering was heard, and Patton flinched. He opened his eyes to see the broken coffee mug, shards of the sine and parabolic functions that once outlined the ceramic.

The mug was shattered.

So was Patton.

It only took him a moment to relieve everything. Back, almost a year ago, to the start of this. Of  _all_  of this.

 

Patton was holding a puppy. A  _puppy._  A puppy! The cat sweatshirt was draped over his shoulders, the soft cotton nuzzling against his skin. But strangely enough, that wasn’t the thing that was really making him so excited.

After all the hardships of the day,  _Logan had been there_. It was true, he left them, but he came back. He always did. Even if he was boasting about always being right, he came back with an apology and a present. He was Logan. He was always there.

You know, he’d really had a funny-heart thing around Logan for a while now. Gosh, how could he not? Logan was beautiful. He was composed, arranged, all but perfect. Yeah, he had his flaws, but the way he moved, the way he  _thought._  It was magical.

Roman popped into the commons, looking at Patton with a humorous eye. “Still enjoying those dogs, Pat?”

“Yeah,” Patton said. There was a certain floaty tone to his voice. Roman’s eyebrow quirked at that.

“Hmm. It seems to me like you’re enjoying more than the dogs, huh?” He said. Patton just gave a giggle in response. “Does this have to do with the fact that Logan gave you that hoodie?”

“Maaaaaybe,” Patton said, a smile taking over his face.

“Oh. My gosh. That’s adorable. That’s so adorable. Seriously? I want to be the best man at your wedding. I already know what color tux Logan will be wearing. I was thinking a deep brown tie, to go with the eyes, and maybe a purple undershirt--” Roman started. He was interrupted, his eyes falling on Virgil.

Virgil had sunk in just then, a bag of popcorn and an empty water glass in his hands. “Oh. Hey guys. What’s going on?”

“I’m just planning Logan and Patton’s wedding, that’s all,” Roman said, dreamily. His eyes were glazed over in that way that he only gets when he’s completely zoned out, making some creatively elaborate scheme to get things exactly the way he wanted.

“Very funny,” Virgil said. He walked by the sink, turning on the tap. The water glass slowly filled up.

“I’m not joking,” Roman said. Virgil looked up.

“Yes you are.”

“I’m not,” Roman said. Virgil’s eyes went to Patton. Patton, who was sitting there completely dazed, the look in his eyes the exact same one in Roman’s. Virgil’s cup began to overflow. He faintly felt the water running over his hand, but he wasn’t paying attention.

“No. No, you’re not. Leave Logan alone. He’s going through some stuff, I don’t think--”

“No, surely! When I’m upset, the one thing I need is a little loving to go around. Why wouldn’t Logan be the same way?” Roman said. “Besides, look at little Patton! He’d love that. Wouldn’t you, Patton?”

“Yeah,” Patton said, a smile spreading across his face. “Yeah.”

“You’re just being a Debbie Downer, Virgil. You’ll see. Patton, you’re gonna ask Logan out. And I’m gonna help you,” Roman said. He pulled an arm around Patton, staring off into the distance again. Virgil looked between them. Roman was speaking as if he was taking on a challenge instead of trying to understand a person. This was bad. This was going to be very, very bad.

“Roman, I don’t know if this is a good idea…” It was like neither Patton nor Roman could hear him. Virgil took a deep breath, finally turning off the tap.

After planning for what felt like forever, he was finally going to do it. He was finally going to ask Logan out. It was perfect. He’d been by himself all day, working on some schedule or plan for Thomas. While Logan was gone, Patton, Roman, and Virgil got to work.

There was streamers hanging from the ceiling-- blue, black, and a pale grey, to symbolize the both of them. A vase of blue roses sat on the top of the table. Patton gave those a second look over, turning to Roman. “What did you say the meaning of blue roses was, again?”

“I don't know, I don’t speak horticulture. Why don’t you ask Logan once he becomes your boyfriend? That’s more his area of expertise,” Roman said. He was adding finishing touches to the streamers, too busy to look down at Patton. “I just bought blue because, you know, Logan.”

Virgil was leaning against the doorway to the kitchen, looking over the whole setting with disapproval. Blue roses. Unrequited love, caution, and the unattainable. Sounds like a recipe for disaster.

“Are you sure he’ll like the cake? I’m not even sure if he’s a vanilla or chocolate person. What if he picks the wrong one because it’s a different flavor? I mean, of course, everyone likes chocolate, but he strikes me as a vanilla person. Is that okay? Is vanilla good?” Patton said. He was worrying. He had straightened the flowers at least ten times already.

Roman hopped off the chair he’d stood on to fix the streamers, looking over the room with a smile on his face. Yes, this was his best decoration attempt so far. He’d done something so similar on Virgil’s birthday, just a lot more emo with some Nightmare Before Christmas undertones. He’d absolutely loved it. So much that he’d cried!

(That wasn’t why he’d cried.)

“Wait, ssh! Turn the lights off, he’s coming!” Roman said. Virgil slid the lights off, sinking down. He couldn’t watch this.

Logan was dead tired. He’d spent all night trying to figure out to schedule. It was Roman’s fault, really. He wanted to do everything. And Patton, too. He was so unwilling to stop helping someone. This entire month was nonstop, between filming for new videos, new skits, new friends to keep up with and new goals to hopefully reach. Everything was a whirlwind and Logan didn't think he could take it. He rubbed a hand to his temple, taking off his glasses. When he looked up, he noticed something was off.

Specifically, the lights. The lights were off.

“What?” He murmured to himself, glancing towards the ceiling. Was Thomas asleep? It was three o’clock in the afternoon. Logan knew Sleep was kind of a drama hound, but at least  _he_  usually left the lights on in the commons. Was something wrong?

Logan walked into the dining room, looking for the source of the blackout. Perhaps there was a storm, Florida was known for that. Wow, Logan was too tired to deal with this right now. Perhaps he should corral the other sides, if there really was an emergency than he’d need to--

“Surprise!”

Logan jumped back, immediately thrown from his thoughts. The lights flicked back on, and Logan could’ve sworn he’d heard Princey’s laughter over his shoulder. “Patton. What are you doing here? Why were the lights off?”

Patton gestured to a set of two cupcakes with a smile on his face. Logan leaned in closer, noticing writing on the two.

“Well! Sit down!” Patton said. Logan did as instructed, sitting in front of the cupcakes. One of them had chocolate icing, and the word “NO” was written in all capital letters and red piping. The other was completely covered in rainbow sprinkles and vanilla icing, and had a swoopy, pink “Yes” written in what looked like Roman’s handwriting.

“Patton, you are aware it is not my birthday,” Logan said. Patton playfully rolled his eyes.

“Of course I’m aware, Logie!”

“Don’t call me that.”

“I actually wanted you here to ask you something,” Patton said. It was only then that Logan noticed the streamers, the vase of blue roses.

Blue roses. Unrequited love. Uh oh. Logan’s stomach sank.

“I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. You’re very special to me, Logan. And, I know, everyone’s special to me, but you stand out in a different way. You’re beautiful. Everything that you can think, the way you see situations, the way you work yourself to the bone and carry those little note cards… It’s adorable. You’re adorable! And from the conversations we’ve had, I think… I’m letting myself think that you feel the same way about me. And so, Logan Sanders,” Patton said, his heart beating a million miles a minute, “Will you go on a date with me?”

Logan looked back down at the cupcakes. Patton was sitting there, barely able to breathe. This was it. This was the second he’d been waiting for. Either Logan would pick yes and they’d branch out on a wonderful, respectful, beautiful relationship where they’d never ever fight (surely!) or he’d pick no. Patton didn’t know what he’d do if Logan picked no.

Patton studied his face, wondering what on earth could be going through that magnificent mind of his. He was staring. Patton’s heart rate sped up. Uh-oh. He was staring for a long time. Completely blank faced. His eyes were scanning the two cupcakes, looking between them. Patton thought he could just die, right there and then.

Until Logan slowly, ever so slowly, reached down. He picked up the vanilla “Yes” cupcake, taking a very small bite.

“Yes!” Patton shouted. He jumped from his seat, pulling Logan into a hug. Logan dropped the cupcake, eyes wide.

Logan left the room a short while later, his face still completely blank. He noticed Virgil sink in out of the corner of his eye. Logan made it his mission to avoid him.

“Logan. Did you just do what I think you just did?” Virgil said. Logan wiped at the corners of his mouth, making sure there wasn’t any stray vanilla icing.

“Perhaps,” Logan said.

“Logan. We talked about this.”

“I refuse to make Patton unhappy. He already deals with enough based on Thomas’s own emotion, as well as the struggles he puts himself through. He needs a break, and I am happy to give myself to that.”

“No, Logan. What you’re giving him is someone who can’t feel like he feels. We  _talked_  about this. You know, I’ve never seen you cry before, but when you came to me, and I showed you that word, and you felt like you finally fit in… Logan. You’re ar-”

“That’s  _enough,_ ” Logan said. He brushed past Virgil, his jaw tight. “I am a grown man, Virgil. I am capable of making my own decisions.” With that, he walked up the stairs towards his room, not even giving Virgil a second glance. Virgil slowly rubbed a hand over his forehead. This was going to be complicated.

Surely enough, it was _already_  growing complicated.

“Do you think he’s avoiding me? I mean, it’s kind of weird, after I asked him out he’s just been completely buried in his room all of the time,” Patton said. Roman laughed.

“Patton! You’re forgetting who you’re dealing with. Logan’s always in his room. He loves to work, and he does nothing _but_ work sometimes. That’s why it’s so good that he’s with you! You’ll help him out of his comfort zone. And you know what?” Roman said. “You should plan that date for tonight. I’m sure he could use a breather.”

Virgil eyed them from the sofa. It wasn’t his spot to intervene, and yet…

“Ooh! I know! Makeover time!” Roman said. “Follow me, I have the perfect suit…”

Patton showed up to Logan’s door about a half hour later. True to Roman’s word, he did have the perfect suit, and it was almost tailored to fit him. It was a simple black, with a navy blue tie he  _might_  have stolen from Logan’s collection. Patton didn’t want to ask.

His fist hovered over the door. He was so nervous, for some reason. He had to keep reminding himself that this was actually  _Logan_  who he was dealing with. He’d known Logan for all of his life. He couldn’t pinpoint the time where his feelings towards him changed. It was like he was hit by Cupid’s arrow, and yet he couldn’t imagine a life without Logan in it.

Patton finally gathered up the courage, opting to just swing open Logan’s door instead. He spotted Logan, curled over his laptop, with green, grey, and yellow on the screen. Some flag, maybe? Either way, he’d certainly caught Logan off guard. He slammed his laptop shut, quickly, turning to face Patton. Immediately he knew Logan was exhausted. Just from one look at him he could tell. He had dark circles under his eyes, his glasses were slightly tilted, and it just looked like he hadn’t had proper sleep in forever. His tie was missing.

Patton found it immensely endearing.

“Oh, Logan! When was the last time you had sleep? We need to have another Disney marathon. Just you and me, curled into the couch. But not tonight! I was actually wondering,” Patton said. He took a deep breath. “I was wondering if you wanted to go out to dinner. With me.”

Logan did not even hesitate. “Oh, yes. Would the others be in attendance?” He said. Patton gave him a quiet look, tilting his head.

“Lo. Sweetie. It’s a date!” Patton said with a smile. He watched Logan closely. He was pulling the same face he was when Patton had asked him out the first time. He was dazed, and his eyes were glazed over, staring at one spot on the floor. Maybe this was how Logan showed his emotions. Patton always knew they were different! And yet--

Logan stood up abruptly, shaking Patton from his thoughts. “Let me find my tie,” he said. His face was still zoned out. Patton gave him a small smile, leaving the room.

Huh. Something didn’t feel right.

Logan emerged from his room wearing his typical polo, tie, and dark wash jeans. Patton was thinking something a little fancier, but he knew better than to say that. Gosh, he was so excited! It would just be him and Logan, a candlelit dinner in a fancy restaurant. He couldn’t wait.

He walked with Logan down the stairs, a grin stretching over his face. Roman was standing in his corner, watching them with an equal grin.

“You two are so adorable! I feel as a mother does, sending her children off to their senior prom. Oh, wait, should we take pictures?”

Logan’s face was completely passive. He once again noticed Virgil from his peripherals, watching him from the shadows. He turned his head back to Roman, wiping the thought from his mind. This was for  _Patton._

Overall, the date was kind of fun. They had flutes of champagne, and Patton had allowed Logan to go on a tangent about the history and origin of the particular type they drank. They talked about everything, disagreed about some things, and agreed over others. To Logan, it felt as if he was simply spending time with Patton, not a date of any sort. Or, perhaps, was this how all dates went? Logan wouldn’t know.

He did try to kiss Patton at the door in front of his bedroom. That was what was supposed to be done, yes? And yet. His lips felt like gravel and he thought, momentarily, that he was going to vomit. It did not matter. This was for  _Patton_.

This sort of thing became more frequent. After the first date, there was a second. A third. Before Logan knew it, they had been dating for months.

Every time they were together, Roman would gush and squeal and talk about how they were going to get married one day. The thought made Logan slightly nauseous. He kept seeing Virgil from the corner of his eye, and that made him even more nauseous yet. He trusted Virgil with that information, and while he understood that Virgil would not spread it, he knew that he would never let him live it down.

One particular date stood out from the rest. Patton had proposed that they attend some trampoline park (of course Patton had asked him on a date, Logan hadn’t planned a single date to this day.) Everything was a bright orange and contrasting deep blue, and the ground between the trampolines was a soft, squishy mat. Patton was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“Is something wrong?” Logan said, sticking his admission sticker onto his shirt. The worker had asked that he remove his tie, and he felt strange without it.

“I’m just nervous, that’s all. Are we sure these will support us?” Patton had his cat cardigan pulled over his blue polo, the tiny folds of the collar sticking over the hoodie.

“Of course,” Logan said. He took Patton by the hand, dragging him towards the nearest trampolines. He pulled him onto the square across from him, still holding him by his hand. “The springs follow three simple rules-- most know them as Newton’s Laws. It also details the conservation of energy, using the formula of one half mass times volume squared. So if you jump up,” Logan said, letting go of Patton’s hand to jump, “you always come back down. And the trampoline will surely catch you.”

Patton was looking at him with the stars in his eyes. He paused for a second, opening and closing his mouth. “I… Logan. I love you.”

Oh.

Oh no.

Patton noticed Logan’s face zone out, the same way he did when he first asked him out, when they had their first kiss. Maybe this was just how he showed that he loved Patton back! Surely!

“I love you, too,” Logan said. His tone was low, his eyes were downcast. The words felt like styrofoam on his tongue.

That’s where it all started going downhill.

After that date, everything was different. Patton would hover around Logan constantly, always telling him he loved him at every available moment. Logan said it back, every time, but each time he said it it hurt him more.

Patton was making food in the kitchen. Logan was sitting on the couch. “I love you.” “I love you, too.” Patton asked him to pass the remote. Logan obliged. “I love you.” “I love you, too.” Patton so much as left the room. Logan stayed behind. “I love you.” “I love you, too.” It never ended. It never ended, did it?

Patton wasn’t quite sure what was wrong, but it was clear that something was bothering Logan. He became less infatuated with his work, as he usually was, and started doing things like watching a ton of TV. He’d even stopped reading as much, which was an odd sight. But the worst part? He was becoming kind of bristly towards Patton.

True, Logan always rolled his eyes at Patton’s puns, but it was suddenly like Logan rolled his eyes at everything Patton did. Every question he answered gruffly and bluntly, and it was confusing. Patton didn’t like it.

That’s when the little things that Logan always did started to grow on Patton’s nerves. He always left the dishes in the sink. He never once bothered to wash them. And, like. Who did he think did that? Would they just magically disappear? To make things worse, it kind of felt like he was getting the cold shoulder. He was frustrated with him not helping out, but…

Being Patton, he wouldn’t say anything.

“Thomas! Buddy, what’s up with you?” Thomas looked up from the show he was watching, looking over to see Joan on the other end of the couch.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re just not following your schedule, like, at all. How many breaks have you took today?”

“Um. Six? I think? No, wait, this is number seven.”

“You’re not acting like yourself. Your logic’s faulty. Where’s Logan, is he okay up there?” Joan said with a chuckle. “I’m just pulling your leg. You know I love those fictional guys with all my heart.”

“Yeah,” Thomas said, forcing a similar laugh. “Fictional.”

If it was even affecting Thomas, you know it was bad. Virgil was nowhere to be seen, spending hours upon hours in his room. Roman was on the complete opposite of that, nervously ticking and complaining about nothing getting done. Even Patton noticed himself making some snide remarks. Logan, being Logan, didn’t get the sarcasm and figurative language. You’d think, being Logic, he’d understand.

Patton walked into own his room one day amidst all that was going on. Logan was sitting on his bed, a mug of coffee in his hand. Just from one look at him he could tell he was exhausted. He had dark circles under his eyes, his glasses were slightly tilted, and it just looked like he hadn’t had proper sleep in forever. His tie was missing.

“Really, Logan? Again?” Patton said. This was the third time this week. He stayed up late, only slept in Patton’s bed half the time, and was strangely missing at odd hours. It was driving him crazy.

“If you had issue with my escapes, I would figure you would have told me by now,” Logan said. He took a long sip of his coffee, his eyes zoned out.

“Told you? Logan, I’ve done everything short of saying that word for word. Do you really have that much trouble with language cues?”

“Don’t ask me questions before I finish my coffee,” Logan said. Patton scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, so don’t ask you questions ever. What is _up_  with you lately? You’re being weird.”

“Oh, what? Are you just going to proceed to tell me you love me twenty-seven times in a row? Don’t speak to me of weird. It’s absurd, Patton. You’re being absurd,” Logan said. He moved to stand up, still groggy from the morning.

“ _I’m_  being absurd? Excuse me?” Patton said. His voice was rising.

“You’re nothing  _but_ absurd! All you ever do is purely logicless, going with every whim in your heart. You’re beginning to affect Thomas.”

“No,” Patton said. “No no no. You’re the one affecting him. You heard Joan. And they’re _always_  right. Beanie of truth, remember?”

“Wow, bringing up another joke in the middle of a serious conversation. Can’t say I’m surprised,” Logan said. Patton made a small noise of offense, his hands curling into fists.

“Logan, you aren’t  _listening_!”

That’s when events unfolded to where they were now. The broken mug. Patton’s broken heart.

Logan didn’t love him.

“Oh-- Patton. Patton, I’m so sorry,” Logan said, but by then it was too late. Patton felt himself begin to cry, hot streams falling down his cheeks.

“Do you mean that?” He choked out. It was like he, suddenly, could barely breathe.

“I… I didn't want you to find out like this,” Logan said. Another sob fell from Patton’s lips. God, he couldn’t believe this was happening. He really hadn’t loved him this whole time? And yet… Patton had poured so much of himself into this. In part of his own heart and Roman’s fantasies, he’d actually allowed himself to think they had a future. He could almost picture Logan standing at the altar, but now? It was gone. It was all  _gone._

“I’m so sorry,” Logan said. He opened his arms, and invitation that could easily be refused. Patton fell forward, letting himself collapse in Logan’s arms. “I’m so sorry Patton. It wasn’t fair for me to do that to you. I… I want to be your friend, Pat.” He rocked Patton in his arms, let him bury his head into his chest. He could feel his tears. “If I’m honest with myself, I think that’s all we should have been in the first place. You mean the world to me, you really do, and I couldn’t bear to part with you.  But love? I… I’m so sorry, Patton, but I don’t think I  _can_.”

Patton looked up. There was confusion in his eyes. There was hurt. But if Logan looked close enough, he could see a semblance of acceptance.

One word sat silently on Logan’s tongue.

It went unspoken.

_Aro._


End file.
